


How Are Your Lungs? (Are They In Pain?)

by DemigodNamedAthena



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, It's Starblaster era so like. he'll be back!, Taako dies but he gets better, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23077297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemigodNamedAthena/pseuds/DemigodNamedAthena
Summary: It feels wrong, for Taako to die like this. An unlucky experience with an unknown plant’s pollen turning into an infection that was stealing his life. It didn’t matter that he would be back at the end of the cycle- this shouldn’t be an ending for him.Or;Taako gets sick, Lup deals with it as best she can.
Relationships: Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 65





	How Are Your Lungs? (Are They In Pain?)

It is hard to die.

Your body clings to life desperately, fighting tooth and nail to keep going, to pull one last drag of oxygen into aching lungs, push one last beat out of a failing heart.

Lup knows this. She has died enough times, has watched others die enough times, to have an intimate knowledge of the experience. Still, it hurts every time. It hurts to watch her brother wheeze where he lays, his skin unnaturally pale and tinged with purple. She brushes a hand across his forehead and lets her touch linger. He’s so warm, his skin burning where she touches him.

It feels wrong, for Taako to die like this. An unlucky experience with an unknown plant’s pollen turning into an infection that was stealing his life. It didn’t matter that he would be back at the end of the cycle- this shouldn’t be an ending for him. 

He made a sound, a pained grumble that made Lup wince as she shushed him and pressed her hand against his cheek.

“I’m here, Taako. You’re okay, this’ll pass.” The lie tastes bitter on her tongue. It used to be so easy to construct stories, to tell people what they want to hear, to manipulate the truth. Lying was survival for both of them, for so long. But lying to her twin? Her other half? Lup never got any good at that.

Taako’s eyes opened for the first time in hours, his bloodshot eyes finding hers, and despite the obvious pain he was in, a smile flitted across his face.

“Hey sis,” He croaked.

Words and emotions crowded in Lup’s throat and she gave him a weak smile.

“Hey bro-bro.” Taako was polite enough not to mention how her voice wavered at the end of her sentence.

Instead he said “You look like shit.” 

“You’re not looking too glamorous yourself, babe,” She quipped back out of instinct, but her heart wasn’t in it. She wanted to smile and fall into their typical banter, ignore the heaving of Taako’s chest under the thin blanket, and trade stories of the antics of their crewmates.

He chuckled, but the laugh quickly turned into heaving coughs that shook his frame violently. A concerned sound forced its way out of her throat and Lup found herself kneeling on the bed next to her brother. It went on for several agonizing moments longer than it should have before Taako managed to get his breathing under control. 

“Well that would explain why all my muscles ache like a motherfucker,” Taako said, pressing a hand against his chest and frowning at the tangled mess that was his hair.

Lup silently handed him a glass of water, which he drank gratefully. Her hands twitched to be active and she fiddled with her fingers. Days of sitting vigil at her brother's bedside had left her twitchy and anxious; this was the most lucid she had seen him in days.

“Want me to braid your hair?”

Taako’s ears twitched up and he set the glass down on the bedside table, scooting up against the pillows and running a hand through his greasy hair.

“Would you?”

Lup reached for a brush and shuffled over to her brother, beginning the slow task of undoing the tangled mess his hair had become in the throes of his fever. Sickness had always mellowed Taako out, making him pliant and silent and tired. The burning of his skin wherever she touched reminded her of days spent hiding in alley ways and stealing food out of passing carts, caravan tents with the rain pounding outside as she soothed him from a nightmare brought on by the heat in his body. 

The motion of brushing out his blond hair was repetitive and soothing, even though it lacked its usual shine. She started at the top of his head and worked her way down, pulling out pieces of hair and forming a loose plait.

Pull, twist, tuck. Repeat. Pull, twist, tuck. The shape forming under her fingers as Taako’s breathing eased and he relaxed against her. She tied it off at the end and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

A horrible rattle started in his chest, and Lup winced. 

“Ko? Are you tired?”

She got nothing more than a sleepy hum and response and her breath caught in her lungs. She had hoped- fervently, fondly, foolishly- that he was getting better. But this was not his body winning the fight, this was the calm before the storm, the horrible joke of fate where things look up for a moment before death sinks its claws in. The tiny bubble of hope that Lup had dared to allow popped, and she smoothed her hand across his head before urging him back onto the pillows, under the blanket.

“Why don’t you lay down? I’ll stay here with you if you want to nap.” He didn’t respond, but she anticipated the silence. He settled down after a minute of shifting, and she wrapped her arms around him, her left hand pressed to his chest, directly above his heart. His hair tickled her nose and she burrowed into it, trying to memorize this feeling.

He would be back. She knew that, but that didn’t make the goodbye any easier. She would still have to live through 109 days without Taako. Without his gentle teasing, without his presence in the kitchen, passing her spices and moving in a dance that they knew by heart, without his laugh, without his steady spirit that both pulled her away from the cliff’s edge and pushed the wind beneath her wings. 

A rough cough bursts out of Taako’s lungs and his chest shakes with it, but it doesn’t stop. It just keeps coming, his lungs constricting as his body attempts to dispel whatever it believed to be in his throat. She murmurs directly into his ear, feeling it flick against her face as he tries to catch his breath, and Lup’s own chest pangs with sympathy- a phantom pain that she swears she can feel. It passes after a small eternity and leaves him heaving. She can feel how his heart is pounding beneath her hand and she holds him a little bit tighter. 

Bouts of coughing followed by the rattle of his chest as he struggles to breathe fills the space and Lup just holds Taako for the duration. After a particularly bad one, he reaches for her other hand, squeezing it almost painfully.

“Lup?” His voice is ruined and so weak even her elven hearing struggles to pick it up. 

“I’m here, Koko.”

“Lulu, I think-” He was cut off by yet another hacking cough, and she shushed him gently, squeezing his hand.

“I know, I know. It’s okay, Taako, I’m here. It’ll be okay.” She thanked the gods that her voice was steady even as tears filled her eyes. He relaxed against her, exhaustion clear in his every line. After a moment, Lup started to sing softly. An old Elvish lullaby, one that they shared a memory of even if its origin was lost to the shadows of memory. It seemed to settle him, and he didn’t shake quite so much with each passing breath.

Lup couldn’t say how long she laid with him, singing her way through the lullaby many times through, when Taako’s breath stilled in his lungs. His heart stuttered, pumping weakly under her hand for a few moments before that, too, stilled. 

She had been crying quietly since she started singing, but now she wailed. It wasn’t fair- not fair that he died, not fair that she was left alone, not fair that they were trapped in this never-ending cycle of losing loved ones and never feeling the permanence of anything except their little family. Perhaps that’s why death hit Lup so hard. She had so little to hang on to that was sure, and having one of those precious anchors ripped away from her left her suspended in space, her compass shattered.

She murmured in Elvish, brushing her hand over Taako’s hair and sweeping his eyes shut, crying into his hair even as she set the rest of the bed to rights. The door slid open, and Lup knew it would be Barry. He would have heard her cry and come searching for her, ready to help. 

Blessedly, the rest of the crew had mostly given the two a wide berth after Taako took a turn for the worse, allowing Lup to fuss and Taako to be vulnerable without worry.

A gentle hand gripped hers and yes, that was Barry, and his face was a mask of calm barely hiding his grief. There were no words for this. It never got any easier, no matter how many times it happened. It always hurt to watch the spark fade from Lucretia’s eyes, for the smile to slide off Magnus’s face, for Merle’s face to smooth of emotions, watch Davenport’s determined spirit flicker out, see Barry’s face go pale and his curiosity die. And it never got easier to watch her other half, her heart, part of her fucking  _ soul _ , go unnaturally still and silent.

Time seemed to go sideways, afterwards.

She somehow ended up in the bathroom, warm water running over her as gentle hands rubbed soap into her hair, and sometime after that she registered being in soft clothes and laid horizontal, but then everything fuzzed away from her again. 

Barry was there, most of the time. A comforting presence; a solid presence for her to tether her drifting soul to. 

Days went by, as they always did, and the shape of Lup’s sorrow changed. She got out of bed every day, tied her hair up (not in a braid, her fingers were unwilling and Taako always did it better anyway,) and helped the others. They found the Light, and she studiously ran experiments with Barry, gathering as much information as they could before the Hunger came.

And if her movements were mechanical, and her smiles empty, her voice hollow? Well. Her family was kind enough not to push the matter.

When the Hunger came, and the world was swallowed, Lup had a hard time feeling remorse. It was an empty planet, nothing but lakes interspersed with islands covered in deadly plants, and the dark part of Lup felt a sense of peace as the place that killed her brother was erased.

And then, everything reset. 

Reality fractured, then sewed itself back together, and Lup was already running. Down the halls of the Starblaster, out of her room and towards the kitchen, where Taako always reformed. Lup’s heart had taken up residence in her throat when she caught sight of her brother’s familiar blond hair, and he was already running her way.

Lup couldn’t say who got their arms around who first, but Taako was there and he was alive and breathing and she was sobbing into his shoulder before she even realized it.

“I’m here, Lulu, it’s okay. I gotcha.” Taako’s voice was right in her ear, fond and soothing and not at all raspy, and it was the best sound she had ever heard. Her legs crumpled underneath her, and Taako held her as they went down, him whispering reassurances in Elvish. There were more footsteps, and joyous exclamations, and suddenly there were more bodies around them, embracing them. She recognized the smell of Lucretia’s soap next to her, Barry’s soft touch on her arm, and she relaxed into the warm knot of bodies.

Death never got any easier, but this comfort made it manageable.

She leaned into her brother and wished for them to stay like this, together, safe, loved, forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends!  
> I have joined a new fandom! And I am head over heels in love with TAZ and these characters and I just had to write this story. (Yes, I do have a horrible cough right now and turned it into Taako Angst, what are you, a cop?) I have other things planned, including Lucretia Angst and some Hurloane content so keep an eye out for that!  
> This is the first thing I've written in months and comments would feed my soul and make this writer very very happy <3  
> Love y'all, peace!  
> -Athena


End file.
